| > Sermon Archive > Sermons by Author > Rev. Reuben Bredenhof > The True Friendship of David and Jonathan | Previous Next Print |
| Order Of Worship (Liturgy) Ps 25:1,7 Ps 101:3,4,5 Reading – 1 Samuel 18:1-11; 20:1-42 Ps 122:1,2,3 Sermon – 1 Samuel 20:42 Hy 34:1,2,3,6 Hy 60:1,2,3
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Brothers and sisters in Christ, a friend is a precious gift. It’s a blessing from God to have someone at your side, a companion you can count on, a friend you can turn to. And this is true, no matter our age. Friends aren’t only the concern of kids or teenagers. At every stage of life, it’s a blessing to have a friend, or maybe even two.
Your friend might be someone in your class at school. Your friend might be your spouse. Your friend might be a fellow church member. Your closest friend might even be a sibling. Whatever the case, such a person can provide help in times of trouble. Friends can share your joys in times of happiness. Friends, very simply, can be there for you, no matter your condition.
Friends are a gift – a gift from God. And we know this, because of the way the Bible describes friendship. There are a few beautiful Proverbs that get to the heart of what a friend really is. Think of Proverbs 17:18, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Or Proverbs 18:24, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Indeed, we also know from the Bible that there’s such thing as a false friend. There are friends who’ll desert you when the good times are over. There are friends who’ll even lead you away from God.
Yet it is a true friendship that we want to look at this morning, as we open our Bibles to 1 Samuel. For in our chapters is one of the greatest friendships ever described, that of David and Jonathan. This was a committed, lasting friendship, firstly because this was a friendship with a solid basis: both David and Jonathan loved the LORD with all their heart.
As we look at these chapters, we should remember that their first purpose is not teach us about godly friendship. The first purpose of these chapters is to keep recounting the history of God’s people; here God is still preparing the new king for Israel, getting him ready for the throne. But if anything, it is these background events that make the friendship of David and Jonathan even more amazing. So let us look at,
The true friendship of David and Jonathan:
1) it is unselfish
2) it is faithful
3) it is in the Lord
1) it is unselfish friendship: After his victory over Goliath in chapter 17, David
essentially becomes part of the royal family. For Saul had promised his daughter in marriage to the man who killed the Philistine champion. And so David marries Saul’s daughter Michal. As part of Saul’s family and the royal court, David comes to spend much time with Saul’s eldest son, Jonathan. Now, let’s realize that this Jonathan was the crown prince of Israel; this was the man that, under normal circumstances, would be fully expected to sit on the throne after Saul.
Well, God granted the gift of friendship to these two young men. Chapter 18:1 tells us,
“Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.” They found in each other a kindred spirit – a shared outlook, a united purpose, common ground – which brought them close together. And this was expressed in a dedicated love; they loved each other as they loved themselves. Each of them would put the other first.
Jonathan and David even sealed their friendship with a covenant. As part of this covenant, Jonathan “took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt” (18:4). This action was more than just spontaneous generosity on Jonathan’s part; he wasn’t just providing the shepherd with some soldier’s gear. No, these were special weapons and clothing, that of the crown prince! Jonathan was giving David the equipment of the future king. Jonathan was so dedicated to his friend, he was willing to give him everything, even his right to the throne.
Did Jonathan already know that David had been anointed as the next king? Did he know
he was making friends with his “rival” for the throne? It’s hard to say. But Scripture portrays Jonathan as a godly young man, with insight into the ways of the Lord. Surely then, Jonathan recognized that his father was not a God-pleasing ruler. And Jonathan wasn’t afraid to admit that David was a fitting replacement for his father as king.
Right in the middle of this account of their friendship is verse 2. This describes Saul’s view of David: “From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father’s house” (18:2). Notice the a stark contrast. While David and Jonathan enjoyed an open, mutual relationship, Saul forces David to stay. And this was because David served his interests. Saul depended on David to soothe his spirit with a harp, and to fight his battles with a sword. For selfish reasons, he would keep David near.
And David did not disappoint. Verse 5 speaks of how David carried out whatever task Saul gave him to do. Saul even gave him a high rank in the army. We should take note of this, because before, Jonathan had been second-in-command. It seems that David has surpassed Saul’s son – but still they were friends!
As a general, David won hearts wherever he went. It started with his defeat of Goliath, and it continued with further victories over Philistia. The people sang their tributes to David, “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands” (18:7). Israel was starting to see which man could really lead the way.
Yet when he heard these words, Saul was enraged. He recalled what Samuel said, that the kingdom would be taken away, and given to someone else. Saul begins to suspect that it might be David who would get his kingdom. And this burning jealousy drives the action of the rest of the book; as 18:9 tells us, “from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David.”
Such jealousy is always a dangerous thing. It’s more than just wishing for what others have; jealousy is resenting others because it seems God has blessed them more than you. With good reason, the Catechism calls jealousy (or envy) “the root of murder” (Q&A 106). So easily, the resentment of jealousy can become bitterness, can become hatred, and can grow into violence.
It did for Saul. The jealousy of his heart provided fertile ground for an evil spirit to continue its work. In a rage, Saul tried to kill David in his court. And this was only the first of many attempts at murder. We see that Saul has descended a long way from where he was. At this point, he still could’ve humbly accepted God’s will, that he’d be replaced as king. But instead, he opposed this idea with all his might.
And again, consider the contrast with the fellowship enjoyed by Jonathan and David. As mentioned, David had surpassed Jonathan in the military chain of command. What’s more, David looked to be the next king of Israel – not Jonathan. All of this gave Jonathan too, so many reasons for jealousy and violence. Yet what does Jonathan do? He commits himself to David. He gives his friend the royal weapons. He helps David ascend to the throne. Jonathan has accepted his place in God’s plan, even if was a lesser place.
Beloved, this was a true friendship. For true friends do not get caught up in a competition over who is best, who is the wealthiest, who has the best job. True friends do not complain when the other gets recognition or praise. Rather, true friends seek each other’s good. They rejoice when the other has reason to rejoice! They help the other on his way, especially when they see that God has given a special ability, and a special calling.
This is true for friendship in marriage; this is true for friendship at school or work; this is true for friendship in the church. God calls us to the friendship of unselfish service. God calls us to relationships in which we sacrifice, and strive to put the other first.
We all know this goes against the grain. Even when it comes to people we dearly love, we prefer to put ourselves ahead. And we do put ourselves ahead, in so many little ways: by our words, and choices, and our thoughts. Certainly, true friendship calls for much humility, and much effort. But based on a shared faith in God, and with the strength that God provides, such a friendship is possible, and it will endure.
2) it is faithful friendship: When it became clear that Saul wanted David dead, David
goes on the run, and stays on the run. Yet David also seeks reconciliation with his father-in-law. David wants to find out: Is there something that he can make better? Is there maybe some misunderstanding that needs clearing up? David here heeds God’s command – the command that we must live at peace with everyone, as far as it depends on us!
David pleads with Jonathan for help in this situation, and Jonathan is willing: “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you” (20:4). As true love always is, the friendship between these two would be expressed in action – not just in words, but also in deeds.
David wants to test Saul’s true opinion of him. The test would be at an upcoming festival. As member of the family and the royal court, David was expected to be present. Saul’s reaction to his absence would speak volumes. Jonathan still thinks the best of his father, but he agrees to watch his reaction, and to let David know the result. At the same time, we receive another hint that Jonathan knows David is the one chosen by God. For he blesses David in 20:13, “May the LORD be with you as he has been with my father.”
But Jonathan also wants David to promise his faithfulness in return: “Show me unfailing kindness like that of the LORD as long as I live, so that I may not be killed, and do not ever cut off your kindness from my family” (20:14-15). Jonathan wanted assurance that if – and when – David took the throne, he would not kill Saul’s family. Now, not to do so would be contrary to all expectation! For among the nations, whenever a new dynasty took over, it was only natural that all supporters of the previous regime would be put to death, lest they later revolt.
But David gives his word. And further on, we can read how David kept this promise. In 2 Samuel 9, when he finally sat in Israel’s throne, David asked, “Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” (v 1). There was: a crippled man named Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan. So David took care of him, until his dying day.
Yes, even years later, even long after Jonathan was dead, David honoured his promise. This was because their relationship was, as we’ve seen, sealed in a covenant. We don’t know exactly what this covenant involved, except we could compare it to other covenants in the Old Testament. There was of course, God’s covenant with Noah, and Abraham, and Israel. But we read of people also making covenants with each other, as peace treaties or binding agreements.
Such covenants always include an oath – an official promise or vow. That’s what happened between these two friends; “Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself” (20:17). No matter what happened, no matter who became king, this relationship was unbreakable. It was official; sealed with an oath; bound in the name of God.
Here we might compare this friendship to the marriage relationship. For between these two, there was a permanent bond of promise and obligation. They would be faithful, until – and even after! – death did them part. In 2 Samuel 1:26, David speaks of his friendship with Jonathan in those terms. “Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.”
Now, some people read those words of David about Jonathan, and they raise an eyebrow: “A love better than that of women? Sounds like these friends were a bit too close!” Yet such a thought misses the point, on so many levels. We’ve already seen this relationship was not about personal gratification, it was about humble service. This relationship wasn’t self-willed, it was according to God’s will. David and Jonathan were so close because they were brothers – brothers in faith.
Instead of being suspicious of this close friendship, let us admire its devotion and attachment. And let us appreciate how a shared faith will always bind people together. If we believe in God together, it means we share things that run very deep: We have the same joys, the same struggles, the same purpose, and the same hope. A shared faith unites husband and wife, through good days and bad. A shared faith binds Christian friends together, through thick and thin. And it brings a church together, so much so that we can even say we love each other, as brothers, as sisters, and as friends.
So David and Jonathan agree to test Saul’s intentions. And the result is worse than either of them expected. When Jonathan speaks up to explain his absence, Saul’s anger flared up and he said: “You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse?” (20:30).
Saul doesn’t understand their friendship; only he knows he won’t tolerate it. He urges Jonathan to kill David, so that Jonathan can preserve the family honour. In his rage, he even hurls his spear at Jonathan! Saul’s jealous hatred has reached the point of obsession. Saul wants to be rid of anyone who might take his place on Israel’s throne.
With that, Jonathan leaves his father’s presence. He has to convey this news to David, but not simply through the impersonal means of shooting those arrows and yelling at the boy. It’s a touching scene when they finally meet. They bow, they embrace, and they weep.
And, it says, “David wept the most” (20:41). We don’t know exactly what David cried about, but we can well imagine. He wept for what King Saul had become. He wept for the broken relationship of Saul and his son Jonathan. He wept for Jonathan, who would not be king.
Yet David and Jonathan also weep together. They are together in this struggle – together able to express their sorrow; together able to pray; together able to find courage from God to carry on. As that Proverb says, “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” These two would stick together – because in their God, they could!
In the Scriptures, our God so often calls us to imitate him: To imitate his love; his mercy; his generosity. And also to imitate his faithfulness. For God is faithful; He never deserts us or forsakes us – He sticks close to us! He never breaks his Word, but always honours his promises and obligations. And for that reason we must be faithful to one another, too. We’re called to be just as faithful in our friendships, in our marriages, in our relationships with fellow members in Christ.
We see this especially in 20:14. There Jonathan urges David, “Show me unfailing kindness like that of the LORD as long as I live.” The word for “kindness” used by Jonathan is a word that most often expresses God’s love for humans. It is the life-sustaining grace of God that makes it possible to have a relationship with him.
Yet it is that same kindness that we in turn, can show in our human relationships – we can show a kindness that is free; a kindness that doesn’t consider what might be given in return, a kindness that is loyal, no matter what happens. No wonder Jonathan says, “Show me unfailing kindness like that of the LORD.”
Imitating God, the Lord calls us to constantly look out for each other, and to stay true to those we love. Showing the kindness of the Lord can mean forgiving the terrible wrongs and offenses that people have done against us. It can mean seeking reconciliation, even if it’s the last thing we feel like doing. It can mean denying your own plans, and laying aside your pride and honour to serve someone else. It can mean giving of yourself, until it seems you have nothing left to give. Again, it goes against the human grain, yet through such faithfulness, the faithful God receives the glory!
True friendship is a beautiful part of life. Yet sometimes, we all know, this life has no happy ending. For in the last chapter of this book, David’s dear friend is killed on the same day as his father Saul. Yet there’s no reason to doubt that David and Jonathan’s commitment ever changed. The last time they saw each other, Jonathan underlined his conviction that David would be king: “You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you” (23:17). Again, there is no jealousy. There is no resentment. There is only faithful devotion.
In God’s wisdom, He took Jonathan to himself before David ascended to the throne. Yet even death could not break their bond; even another defeat to the Philistines could not dull the shine of their relationship. For theirs was,
3) [it is] a friendship in the Lord: So what was it that bound David and Jonathan so closely together? What gave them that spirit of love, when they could’ve been expected to hate each other and put each other down?
The text leaves no doubt about the basis of their bond. As we’ve said already, it was a commitment in the Lord. Consider the way they speak to each other. Hear how they make vows of faithfulness in God’s name. Listen as Jonathan prays for God to be with David and bless him. Think of how they call God as witness. They lay their friendship before God, and call on him to judge them if they are ever unfaithful: “The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever” (20:42). It’s the faithfulness of God that would help them remain faithful, even for as long as they lived.
And as they depart from each other, they “go in peace” (20:42). They have peace with each other, because, more importantly, they have peace with God. Whatever their external differences, they have an inner unity – for they are both recipients of God’s mercy and goodness.
Yes, the unity of David and Jonathan can be taken as a shining example of what a true and godly friendship ought to be. But the Bible also speaks about the other kind of friendship. Again Proverbs gives us much guidance: “He who walks with wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm” (13:20). Fools for friends will harm you! And who is a fool? It’s someone who does not fear the Lord, nor keep his commands. Such a person will not help, but hinder, your service of God.
For example, it is so dangerous if we choose to hang out with heavy drinkers and party-animals, with blasphemers and bed-hoppers. It is dangerous even to make friends with people who say they are “moral,” but who care little about the Lord or his church. And why is it so dangerous? God says it’s almost certain that we’ll learn their attitudes, their behaviours, their ways of speaking. Even without intending to, such people will bring our defenses down. They will dull our spiritual awareness. And they will distract us from what we ought to be doing!
Paul urges us, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? … What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Cor 6:14,15). Keep in mind, Paul here isn’t just talking about marrying a non-Christian. He is talking about simply being friends with those who do not love God. If we don’t share Christ with the friends we choose, what worthwhile thing keeps us together? There is nothing – there is no lasting foundation.
Rather, God calls us to seek out people who will join us in worshiping him. He calls us to seek the company of those who won’t lead us into sin, but who will help us to be holy, through their prayers and their support. Our spouses, our friends, our weekend companions – these all should be people who can join us in dedication to God.
Beloved, let us then treasure the true friends that God has given us! Let us then seek out true companions in the family of Christ. As brothers and sisters, and as friends, let us help one another – above all – in serving our Lord. In all these relationships, may we humbly imitate our God in heaven. He is holy; He is faithful; He is forgiving; He is generous; He is good. And for the sake of Jesus Christ, He calls us his friends. Amen.
* As a matter of courtesy please advise Rev. Reuben Bredenhof, if you plan to use this sermon in a worship service. Thank-you.
(c) Copyright 2006, Rev. Reuben Bredenhof
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