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Upholding Marital Intimacy as Service to God
Hebrews 12:28-13:4
Ted Turner, the founder of CNN, criticized Bible-believers for twisting Jesus’ teachings, saying he’d be sickened by what we’ve done. At a humanist meeting, he revealed his upbringing as a Christian and his former desire to be a missionary. What changed? He became disappointed with Christianity. Despite all his prayers, his sister died from illness. And he said that the more he strayed from his faith the better he felt. He had comfort. But also not. By his own admission, his life was lonely. He acknowledged his 3 failed marriages as his greatest sources of regret, leading to feelings of loneliness and despair, despite having 4 concurrent girlfriends! One for every week of the month.
As believers, we know only Christ can give us comfort in life and death. To have that comfort, we must know our great guilt. We must also know God’s grace, how he forgives the guilt of all who repent. And to have comfort, we live gratefully, pursuing Christ. But many reject guilt, living sinfully for worldly comfort. They don’t understand grace. They find comfort in their sins. But dearly beloved, this is also what we in our weakness do. Despite knowing God’s grace, we minimize guilt and fall into sin. But a right view of guilt and gospel will fuel grateful lives for Christ.
And this grateful life is what the author of Hebrews has been encouraging his readers to pursue. If they’ve truly drawn near to God, and received an unshakable kingdom, then they should served God acceptably with reverence and awe. They’d show brotherly love and radical hospitality. He just spoke on that. Now, he speaks on marital intimacy - how to serve God and have comfort. He does it in 3 exhortations. Firstly, let us hold marriage in highest honor because God highly honors it. Secondly, let us uphold the purity of physical intimacy. Thirdly, let us know God’s judgment on such sins.
Firstly, let us hold marriage in highest honor because God highly honors it. Verse 4 says, “Marriage is honorable in all.” Or as the ESV says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all.” The word “honorable” means precious. Let marriage be precious or honorable. Why? Because God sees marriage as precious and highly valued. There’s a divine command to honor it. That’s why we can’t take it lightly. Like a precious vase, we can’t ill-treat marriage. We can’t break or destroy it. Now, to be clear, why is it a command? Isn’t it just a statement? Doesn’t it just say “marriage is honorable in all”? We see the command from the grammar and context. All the surrounding verses are commands. In verse 1, the command is “let brotherly love continue.” Then throughout this chapter, in verses 2-3, 7, 9, 13, 15-17 - they’re all commands. Therefore, verses 4 and 5 are taken by context as commands. Let marriage be precious to all. Let the marriage bed be undefiled. Let your conduct be without covetousness.
But it’s not only by grammar and context. We know God honors marriage. He instituted it. All other laws were appointed by angels or prophets; only 2 were instituted directly by God. In Genesis God created the world in 6 days and rested on the seventh, sanctifying it. Additionally, he brought Eve to Adam in marriage and declared they were one flesh. So therefore, marriage is a creation ordinance between one man and one woman. When man and woman were yet unfallen, in their innocence, God instituted marriage. So that being the case, we must honor it as God honors it. And it’s the whole Godhead. God the Son honored it. His first miracle was performed at a wedding. In his teaching, he compared God’s kingdom with a wedding feast. When the Pharisees tried to trick him about divorce, he appealed to the one flesh principle. God the Spirit also honored it. He inspired Paul to compare marriage with Christ’s relationship with the church, where Christ as groom cares for the Church his submissive wife.
And therefore, we see the way to honor it. If marriage was created for companionship and mutual help, and if it’s not good for man to be alone but to have a suitable helper, then we must uphold marriage. AW Pink describes how valuable this help was. “Someone has said, like a turtle which has lost his mate, like one leg when the other is cut off, like one wing when the other is clipped, so had man been if woman had not been given to him.” Now, this was no where truer than in this church the author was writing to. The mutual help of husband and wife was vital to them. Remember, they were going through great persecution from the pagans. Perhaps like the Corinthians, they were thinking of putting away their marriages. It’s easier to be persecuted alone, than with your family. It’s one thing to be threatened with death if you don’t deny your faith, but it’s another thing to be threatened with the death of your spouse and family, if you don’t deny your faith. And their Jewish friends and family weren’t helping either. They were probably pressuring them to return to Judaism. “Come back! You won’t be persecuted, you still believe in God, you still have Moses and the Law. Why won’t you live?” But husband and wife were to help each other pursue Christ despite the threat of death. Hebrews 3:13 - “But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.” Yes, the whole church was to do this. Unmarried people aren’t worse off when such care and fellowship exist in church. But also, what other relationship is closer than a marriage relationship? So beloved, honor your marriages as a refuge for your faith. God has given this relationship so you can encourage each other to pursue Christ. This is the place to urge commitment to Christ. It’s not a relationship only for mutual earthly benefit - like earning money, buying a house, raising children to be successful, or planning holidays together. This is what unbelieving couples only do. But the Christian marriage stirs affection for God’s Kingdom. We help each other to pursue Christ despite the troubles around. Why did Charlie Kirk have the strength to go on, in careful, bold, articulate, loving debates to point others to the gospel and truth of Christ? Was it not that he a supportive wife who prayed for him? And yes, he died a martyr - he being dead, yet speaketh. But not just him.
According to Clement of Alexandria, Peter’s wife was martyred the same day that Peter was famously crucified upside down. In fact, Peter’s wife was executed first. According to an ancient source (Eusebius): “They say, accordingly, that when the blessed Peter saw his own wife led out to die, he rejoiced because of her summons and her return home, and called to her very encouragingly and comfortingly, addressing her by name, and saying, ‘Oh, remember the Lord.’ Such was the marriage of the blessed, and their perfect disposition toward those dearest to them.” This is the kind of marriage we should aspire to. This is how we serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. But how else do we serve God?
Secondly, let us uphold the purity of physical intimacy. Verse 4 tells us all to honor marriage and to keep the marriage bed undefiled. Yes, this has to do with physical intimacy, romance, and sex. And I’ll try to keep this part PG as much as possible, but it was important enough for the author to address the entire church on, just as Paul did. Why? Contextually, these Hebrew Christians were living in Rome - the hotbed of all kinds of immorality. Nero was famous for hosting dinner parties where wife-swapping was practiced. Christians were persecuted in part because they refused to compromise - to think and act like the pagans. And the persecution pressured them to compromise. So there was a divine command to keep it pure. Purity has nothing to do with being prudish. God has given physical intimacy as a gift. As had read earlier, 1 Corinthians 7:3 says that husbands and wives are to render due benevolence to one another. Physical intimacy is something owed. It’s an ongoing debt that can never be repaid - to give sexual pleasure. Yes, there are reasons of infirmity and age, but romance is not something to be stopped. That’s purity. The word “undefiled” describes being free from that which deforms it. And if God had instituted marital intimacy for companionship and procreation, then it should be carried out. Nothing should stop it within marriage. And since God meant marriage as a remedy for fornication, there should be health sexual appetite. 1 Corinthians 7:2 says, “To avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” This prevents immorality. And it also promotes society. Children who were born out of wedlock were illegitimate, and under Moses’ law in Deuteronomy 23:2, such children were excluded from the congregation of the Lord. Now, to be clear, in the early church there were all sorts of marriages in the church, as pagans became Christian. There were broken families and illegitimate children. There were slaves families and minor wives. This is why Paul had to say that elders were to be husbands of only one wife. Why? There were polygamous situations going on. And there were also mixed marriages - one spouse became a Christian while the other was still not. But these believers from complicated backgrounds were all saved by grace and through faith. But this meant, that as God’s people, they should keep sex pure. They shouldn’t go and behave like the Gentiles, no matter how much they were persecuted, just to have a better life.
And there were plenty of false views on physical intimacy. Today, marriage is the latest battleground between church and world. And if we’re to pursue holiness, as Hebrews 12:14 says, we must teach about holiness in marital intimacy. That means deconstructing false views. Pre-marital sex, no fault divorce, same-sex marriage, and unequal yokes all want a go at marriage. But what we must know is that false views have always been around. Prostitution was common in pagan Rome. It’s as common as cohabitating today. Yes, Romans hadn’t redefined marriage, but they pretty much let you do anything you wanted. A married senator could have an 11 year old boy as his companion. You could have as many mistresses as you wanted. And the Christians were struggling not to give into the pagan culture. But it was not okay to call yourself Christian and live like a pagan when it came to sex. Remember in the Corinthian church there was a man who was having a relationship with his step-mother? Paul commanded him to be removed from the church. So the author of Hebrews counseled them not to get their ideas of sex and marriage from the culture around them. We’re to keep the marital intimacy pure.
And while it’s not in the text, allow me to speak on something the church was likely struggling with in those days. To get a better life, some may have thought of marrying pagans or unbelieving Jews. Maybe a relative said - “hey, Jacob, I’ve got a lovely Jewish girl for you. She doesn’t believe in Yeshua, but she still believes in Messiah! Same as you. Same as all of us!” And so there was temptation to escape difficulty by marrying unbelievers.
But Scripture is clear - we must marry only in the Lord. From earliest times God commanded his people in Deuteronomy 7:3 - “Neither shalt thou make marriages with them: thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.” 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” 1 Corinthians 7:39 says only to marry in the Lord. Why? 1 John 3:10 says there are 2 types of people in the world - the children of God and the children of the Devil. Arthur Pink says, “If then, a daughter of God marries a son of the Evil one she becomes a daughter-in-law to Satan! If a son of God marries a daughter of Satan, he becomes a son-in-law to the Devil!” God finds it repulsive. That’s why God sent the flood, because the sons of God married the daughters of man, and there was evil on the face of the earth. Therefore, Pink says, “Far, far better to remain single unto the end of our days, than to enter into the marriage state without Divine blessings.” This is how we honor marriage and the physical intimacy. Why would you want to make love to the devil’s son or daughter?
Now, why was this so important to the author of the Hebrews? How could a person pursue after Christ if he chose a spouse who didn’t? And that was the point of all his teaching - Christ is better than anything else - better than the prophets, the angels, the priests, the sacrifices, the temple, Joshua, and Moses; he demands your all because he is your all. Those who don’t believe that truth will not help you pursue Christ. And ordinarily, no godly seed comes from that union, save by the grace of God.
So thirdly, let us know God’s judgment on such sinners. Verse 4 says, “but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Because God honors marriage and marital intimacy, God will judge all the sexually immoral and adulterers. Now who are these? What's the identity of these sinners? Beloved, genuine Christians, because of the remnant old man in them, will fall into these sins because of weakness. When we repent, we are forgiven. But we’re not fornicators or adulterers. We don’t practice these sins. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 says, “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” Beloved, to come from such a background is no more shame in Christ. Because we’re washed, sanctified, and justified. Knowing our guilt and God’s grace, leads to a life of gratitude. But to practice them puts a question mark on our salvation. A life of sin shows no gratitude or knowledge of grace. The writer warned each one of them not to compromise, by giving up Christ and his promised land, by returning to the bondage of sin - to seek the leeks and garlic of Egypt - the sensuality and sexual immorality of the world.
And therefore, we see that God judges sovereignly and ecclesiastically. “But whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” While the state or family may not have the power to punish the guilty party, God, who sees all things, surely will. He does this sovereignly - sexually transmitted disease, sexual crime, emotional disturbance, economic deprivation, damaged family, and generational trouble. And God also does this ecclesiastically. About the man who was living with his father’s wife, Paul said in 1 Corinthians 5:5 that he should be removed from the church and delivered unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh. Why? When we see our guilt and embrace God’s grace, we will live in gratitude, pursuing holiness. Beloved, God forgives every sexual sin. But there must be repentance. But if there’s no repentance, but seeking comfort in the world and her lusts - this is not a sign of repentance at all. If you pursue after an unbeliever, you love the devil’s son or daughter more than Christ. If you’re fulfilling your lust by yourself or with another, you love your flesh more than Christ. If you’re not loving your spouse, even wishing her death, you’re not loving Christ who gave her to you.
Do not seek the worldly comfort you want. Seek the eternal comfort you need. That’s why dearly beloved, don’t be conformed to the world - be counter cultural and stand against each evil tide. Why? Our Lord Jesus lived his life rejecting the world. He died for his bride, for you and me, that we might live. He died to wash us with his blood, and to wash us with the Word and regeneration of the Spirit. He resisted every temptation by the devil to give into sin - so that we’d have victory over ours. His compassion for those in sexual sin abounds - he came alongside she beside the well, who had defiled her body with 5 men, and offered cleansing living water to her. He showed compassion to the woman caught in adultery and told her to sin no more, when he as righteous judge could’ve stoned her. So those of you struggling with your sins, go and sin no more, but come to Christ and take his yoke on you.
Some of us here have terrible pasts. But has not Christ washed us? Has he not washed you as he did the covetous? And you struggling with covetousness, has he not cleansed you alongside that adulterer. For those who’ve sinned and come to Christ, we have a Great High Priest who’s cleansed and washed us. And because of him, God says, “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.”
- Let Us Hold Marriage in Highest Honor Because God Highly Honors It
- The divine command to honor it
- The way to honor it
- Let Us Uphold the Purity of Physical Intimacy
- The divine command to keep it pure
- False views on physical intimacy
- Let us Know God’s Judgment on Such Sinners
- The identity of these sinners
- God judges sovereignly and ecclesiastically
Conversation for Change:
- Is sexual sin worse than other sins? Is it more scandalous? What makes forgiveness for sexual sin difficult in a church concerned more about respectability than repentance?
- Does a Christian absolutely have to marry a Christian if he is to marry? Who says so?
* As a matter of courtesy please advise Rev. Mark Chen, if you plan to use this sermon in a worship service. Thank-you.
(c) Copyright 2025, Rev. Mark Chen
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