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Let Romantic Love Continue
1 Corinthians 7:1-7
Today’s world is filled with hyper-sexuality. Pornography is readily available at the click of a button. Sensuality is pervasive in music, film, and fashion. And it’s very difficult for Christians to live in such a world. It affects us, tempts us, and grieves us when we sin against God; it ruins lives and hurts relationships. Many young and older lives are greatly challenged. But it’s not just today. Dearly beloved, God’s people have always struggled with it. The Bible’s filled with examples. But the Bible also shows the redemption of God’s people. Samson gave into his lusts and brought much trouble into his life - but there was redemption. Yes, his life on earth wasn’t pretty, but when he was humbled, he was vindicated. There’s hope for all who struggle and fall. Even in the Corinthian church - the excommunicated brother eventually repented in 2 Corinthians. Last week we also saw in chapter 6 that some of them had been fornicators, adulterers, and practicing homosexuals. But in Christ, they’d been washed, sanctified, and justified! There’s hope! There’s final victory. It’s up and down in life until we reach heaven’s shores. But we’ll reach it. Sadly, we don’t always focus on hope and victory - but on our struggles. And we respond poorly. Some give into sin - don’t fight, give yourself to your flesh! But sin’s a terrible master - it keeps demanding from you. Others despair. In Matthew 18, when Jesus’ disciples heard how tough marriage was, they said - better not marry. And we see the same here. Verse 1 - some Corinthians said - it’s better to be celibate! It’s too much trouble. So Paul addressed these issues pastorally and answered their questions. We’ll examine chapter 7 over 3 weeks. He deals with romance, singleness, and divorce. May those struggling find comforting and redeeming words. And he deals with romance first in 2 points. Firstly, romantic love in marriage is God’s good solution for fornication. Secondly, romantic love in marriage is a spouse’s happy duty.
Firstly, romantic love in marriage is God’s good solution for fornication. As we’ve seen, the Corinthians struggled with the problem of fornication. But this was unsurprising in the pagan world. The Greeks excused and endorsed it. We’ve seen in our Bible studies that even the Thessalonians struggled with it. Yes, even after conversion, even being commended for their faith, love, and hope. The Corinthians were commended for their knowledge and ability to teach! So Christians struggle - it’s a sinful world. But we must struggle - not only against sensuality, but our worldly ideas. And we see their ideas in verse 1 - “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Some were so fed up with fornication they told Paul - maybe it’s better that Christians just avoid sex - don’t even marry. The word “touch” is a polite way of referring to physical intimacy. If fornication is so dangerous, might as well not even marry and be romantic - total celibacy. Now, this kind of over-reaction is common - we struggle and conclude that complete abstinence is best because we can’t arrive at a middle ground. And many of us have this kind of over-reaction. Just ban TV and the smart phone. Here, just ban marriage. Some people say - marriage is so difficult - there’s adultery and coldness - I’m not getting married. But this is wrong. The Corinthians weren’t transformed in their minds, but conformed to the world. So Paul had to address what they wrote. Just because there’s the problem with fornication doesn’t mean there’s no good solution. Just because marital problems are widespread, doesn’t mean marriage isn’t good. Yes, in verse 7, he wished all people were single like him - and we’ll explore that next week - but he knew God’s gift is different to different people. Some are meant to be married, others single. Both are gifts. Both are honorable.
But he had to tell them marriage was ordained as a solution or prevention for fornication. Verse 2 - “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” Now, to be clear, marriage doesn’t solve fornication - there’s the sin of adultery! It’s not the solution, but a solution. The solution to every sin is always the Lord Jesus and living in communion with him. That’s why when we walk with the Lord as the center of our marriage, we can avoid fornication. In that sense, loving Christian marriage is a solution to the sin of fornication. And to be clear, Paul’s point was to connect the two - fornication is avoided because there should be physical intimacy in marriage. And in the verses that follow, Paul approved very highly of marital physical intimacy. Romance in marriage is good.
And we see that in Scripture. Desire for physical intimacy is not evil. Young people, your desire is not evil. God created us with these desires. Generally, every man and woman possesses them. Why? So we’d seek to fulfill them in marriage. When God created Eve, it was so Adam would have a companion. God said it’s not good for man to be alone. Adam would’ve known something was missing. He was given the task of naming the animals which were created male and female. Cow, bull; stag, doe; pig, sow; duck, drake; rooster, hen; goose, gander; fox, vixen. But when it came to him - only man! So God created Eve and Adam called her woman. Marriage was intended for companionship and for physical intimacy.
But it was also for procreation. Granted, in our fallen world, not all married couples can have children. But that was the reason for physical intimacy in the age of innocency - in the garden. In talking about marriage and divorce, God said in Malachi 2:15 that he instituted marriage because he desired a godly seed - so that the earth might be populated with godly people. This is why he sent the flood when the line of Cain almost took over save 8 people of the line of Seth. But marriage and physical intimacy is for raising up of godly children. That’s why he told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. But it wasn’t only for procreation.
It was for romance - for love and pleasure. God made the human body to be attractive – David was described as a good looking man. Rebekah, Rachel, and Esther were described to be very beautiful and lovely in form. So God’s not against the human body – especially when it comes to marital romance. Solomon told his son to be wholly satisfied with his son’s wife. Proverbs 5:19, “Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” Yes, there are times when age, sickness, medical conditions, and medication may diminish physical intimacy - but there’s always romance. But barring that, God has taught that he’ll bless romance in marriage. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage [is] honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Meaning, he’ll bless romance in marriage, but he’ll judge fornication outside of marriage.
We live in a highly sexualized world. Young singles and even married people, you may not have very high hopes for marriage. It’s messy. The way for Christians to be physically intimate is Christian marriage. Next week we’ll look at the high honor of being single and God’s grace for singles; but in this passage, a remedy for fornication is marriage. Can you all think and pray over this carefully that the Lord would convince you. The answer Paul gives here for sexual desires is not porn, fornication, or adultery - it is romance in marriage. Therefore, to married couples, what’s God’s word to you?
Secondly, romantic love in marriage is a spouse’s happy duty. Verse 3 - “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” It says let the spouse render to the other due benevolence. The word “render” means “to pay a debt”. And it’s a command - not a suggestion. Render - pay a debt. And what debt are spouses supposed to pay? Due benevolence! This means “affection or good will.” So they’re to perform their loving duty. So in this context, it refers to romantic affection - emotional and physical. We’re told that the husband is duty bound to please his wife romantically and the wife is duty bound to please her husband physically. What is more is that the verb “render” is in the present continuous tense. This is not a debt that we will ever pay off. And so it must be a life long happy intimate romantic duty as long as we can perform it.
And Paul gives the reason why this loving duty must be performed. Why romantic love must be continued is because spouses don’t own their own bodies. Verse 4 says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” Now, to be clear this is not some patriarchal or sexist ideology. It’s biblical. Yes, it may have been used to justify every kind of abuse or selfishness in marriage, but the spirit of this verse is very different. And to be clear, it’s equally incumbent on both husband and wife. This verse doesn’t justify us becoming the other’s servant. Instead, it teaches that our spouse has priority over our body. The verse is not you are my servant, but rather I lovingly serve you. Our loving duty is to love and please the other, more than ourselves. The husband renders to his wife; the wife renders to her husband. Again, it’s not “you owe me” but rather “I owe you”. To be clear but yet discreet, we are to put our spouses physical needs ahead of our own. And this is done in mutual love, affection, and understanding.
And we see here that romantic love should be frequent. There’s loving abstinence for good reasons but other than that, there should be loving romantic continuance. Verse 5 reads, “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” One of the contributions to extra-marital affairs is that the romance between husband and wife cool off. Yes, there may be legitimate reasons why the physical part might tail off - such as health, chronic illness, and other physical infirmities. But there are many illegitimate reasons. Paul addresses illegitimate reasons when he told couples not to rob or deprive each other of romantic love. The word “defraud” means “to rob.” Since physical intimacy in marriage is good, it’s a loving duty, then to deny it from your spouse is considered theft in the eyes of God. There are many illegitimate reasons why people would deny due benevolence from their spouses - anger, coldness, punishment, revenge, etc. When this happens, we’re told in verse 5 that this opens the marriage relationship up to extra-marital affair or fornication. It allows Satan to tempt us for our lack of self-control. And such fornication or adultery worsens the rift between spouses. If one spouse is physically fulfilled elsewhere, why cultivate romance in marriage? The one flesh principle is broken. You see, Satan’s plan is to tempt Christians to have sex outside the covenant of marriage. His plan is also to discourage intimacy in marriage. Both are equally dangerous. Yes, marriage is a solution, but not THE solution to fornication. The solution is always only Christ. And so marriages founded upon Christ, cultivated by Christ, motivated by Christ - will sustain that romance. As Christ gave his life in love for his church, spouses always aim to love their spouses - to satisfy them rather than ourselves; in this we will find our greatest satisfaction. So let romantic love continue.
Don’t let it stop. John Calvin has this to say about the spouse who doesn’t cultivate intimacy - “Those, therefore, act a rash part, who give up the use of the marriage bed; to do so is to commit robbery.” So the only reasons for abstinence is prayer and fasting - their religious duties. Now, we may think that this sounds a bit Old Testament or even Muslim - but this was their practice. And this was the practice of Christians down the ages - to spend time in fasting and prayer for important things - to dedicate ourselves to those things. And this requires consent, verse 5. Then it requires them to come together again in romance. But verse 6 says, “But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.” Paul doesn’t recommend being apart long - he won’t command that they never be apart (who’d command such a thing anyway?) - so he permits this for these spiritual reasons. But that’s only concession. So this implies conversation, agreement, affection. It requires us to make certain life choices that don’t break the one flesh principle. Excessive traveling for work, much time apart, etc - these things prevent romantic love from continuing. Sure, some people say absence makes the heart fonder. Really? Quote me a Bible verse, man! Which means spouses need to talk about their romantic life. Physical intimacy cannot be divorced from emotional intimacy – in fact, it complements it. Due benevolence is benevolent - there’s good will and affection. And we don’t only show affection when our spouse is pretty, submissive, or is kind, or has been nice to us. We don’t show affection when they’re affectionate. But we should because they’re our spouse. Loving abstinence requires loving continuance. But it’s not easy. We’re so busy, we like to watch TV, we focus on the kids, hang out with our friends.
In summary, Christian marriage is a solution for fornication - where spouses are selflessly romantic. We must let romantic love continue - with short periods of abstinence. May the Lord help us, especially those who are married to consider what the Bible has to say to you about this, and also to others, who are preparing themselves for marriage or helping others prepare for marriage – that the Lord would instruct you and perhaps even free you from unbiblical concepts that often flood the world and the church.
1. Romantic Love in Marriage Is God’s Good Solution for Fornication
A. Problem of fornication
B. Solution for fornication
2. Romantic Love in Marriage Is a Spouse’s Happy Duty for Intimacy
A. Due benevolence
B. Loving abstinence
Conversation for Change:
- What are some reasons why some have lost respect for the institution of marriage? What might be the reason among Christians?
- What are some practical ways for husbands and wives to cultivate romance in their marriages? How does confession of sin and repentance figure into this?
- How does spiritual intimacy affect romantic intimacy?
* As a matter of courtesy please advise Rev. Mark Chen, if you plan to use this sermon in a worship service. Thank-you.
(c) Copyright 2024, Rev. Mark Chen
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