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| Order Of Worship (Liturgy) *Song of Praise: Hymnal #565 “Praise Ye the Lord, Ye Hosts Above” *Song of Response: Hymnal #335: 4 “Praise the Savior Now and Ever” *Song of Preparation: Hymnal #1B “How Blest the Man” Scripture: Ephesians 5:22-33 Text: Ephesians 5:22-24 Message: The Christian Wife *Song of Response: Hymnal #538 “Take My Life, and Let It Be” *Doxology: Hymnal #253: 4 “God, All Nature Sings Thy Glory” |
Beloved Congregation of the Lord Jesus Christ,
This afternoon we continue our look at Ephesians 5 and it’s treatment of marriage and family. Today our focus is upon the calling of the Christian as we find it in our text. Marriage is the most beautiful of all earthly relationships and there is a reason Ephesians 5 says that it reflects this relationship between Christ and the church. It was Martin Luther who said, “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” When a married are together trusting in the Lord and walking in the ways of God, then marriage is beautiful and fulfilling. However, when a marriage is given over to sin and selfishness and abuse, then it can be real ugly, real fast.
The protection of Christian marriage, as much as we are able to prepare and be on guard, is to have a Christ-centered and biblical view of marriage. This will give the husband the authority to lead without becoming a tyrant, and it will give the wife the grace and submission in joy, and not in inferiority or dominance.
Our theme this morning is the Christian wife is called to serve God in marriage.
- Biblical Submission
- Biblical Calling
I. Biblical Submission
Our text begins and says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.” Last week we began to look at this idea of submission. Both husband and wife are called in some way to submit to each other and to the will of God. Now, as the focus centers on the home, the relations of husband and wife become clear. The calling of the Christian wife is to submit.
This notion of submission is out of fashion today. This is a day of freedom and permissiveness, liberation rules the day. The idea of a woman staying at home to raise her children is ridiculed today. A woman having respect for her husband, a woman’s patience with a sinful husband, are all counter-cultural. In the Bible these things are exalted, in our modern society they are viewed as weaknesses.
How should Christians respond? They should be honest enough to admit areas where things were not done properly, just like they had to be in slavery. However, what must be realized, is that nothing in Ephesians 5 is contrary to true freedom. The reason why, is because it comes from God and it is centered on Christ. Every culture that has been christianized over time has elevated the role of women and those societies that have not, continue to view women as the property of their husbands to be used as they want.
It was Jesus Christ who treated women and children with courtesy and honor in a day where that was not always common. It was Jesus who said, “let the little children come to me”, in a day where kids were sold for slavery or prostitution, or they were merely orphaned away as unwanted. We must see the teaching of Ephesians in it’s context, where, through Christ, there is a single humanity which God is creating in Christ. Scripture repeatedly affirms the dignity of womanhood, equality of human beings before God, and the unity of all believers as members of God’s family of the body.
So, if there is an equality, why does the Bible give to the wife the calling of submission and the husband authority over her? Here a very important distinction must be made. This distinction is between the person and the office or person and role. The person you are is how and who are you as you are born, and what you become is your office. Identical twin boys can be very much the same, but as they grow, one might start a company and hire his brother to work under him, now one is an employer, the other is an employee. This gives something of a biblical rationale behind submission and authority.
Submission does not mean inferiority, just like authority does not mean tyranny. In fact, that submission of a wife to her husband is different than the submission of children to parents or employees to employers. These are different words used in Ephesians. So, if submission is a humble recognition of God’s ordering of society and it is a willing placing oneself under another, the question comes up, where does this come from? The answer is two-fold, creation and redemption.
This is somewhat assumed in our text, so we will have to leave our text for a moment to see the scripture’s teaching. Turn in your Bibles to I Corinthians 11. In this passage, dealing with a large cultural problem in Corinth, we see a principle on the divine ordering of things in creation. Read verse 3, 7-9. The reason it is clear that there is an abiding principle of gender distinction and headship here is that the order of creation is cited. The same is true in I Timothy 2, where the context is worship and women are forbidden from office. Read vs. 11-13. Once again, it is the order of creation that places women in that position of submission. This is not chauvinism, it is creationism. The new creation in Christ protects and frees us from a distortion and abuse of these roles.
The second reason for submission is redemption or because of Christ’s headship. This we see in our second point.
II. The Wife’s Calling
In verses 23 and 24 of our text, the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church is the second reason or ground for submission. Since Christ offered himself he bought the church with His own blood. The church becomes identified with Christ. Maybe a parallel to this is a wife taking her husbands name. This trend was nearly done away with in the feminist movement. Nevertheless, the wife and husband become bound together. Her office, as wife, is one of submission. This is not an unlimited obedience. Our text says in verse 22 as to the Lord. This has two implications. If a wife seeks to honor and submit to God, she must honor and submit to her husband, and also that there is a limit. As soon as a husbands request cross the biblical line, the wife is obligated then to obey God above all. That is always a difficult situation. So, likewise, the husbands authority definitely has limits. Christ is the head of the church, but his headship is one of care, not control, it emphasizes responsibility rather than rule. A wife’s submission then becomes a grateful acceptance of his care. John Stott says, “Whenever the husband’s headship mirrors the headship of Christ, then the wife’s submission to the protection and provision of his love, far from detracting from her womanhood, will positively enrich it.”
Proverbs 12:4 says, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” So, what does a wife of noble character looks like and what is it she is called to? To summarize the teaching of scripture and our text, let me mention 6 things.
First, a wife’s priority is in the home. As a help-meet she is to be a homemaker. Look at Titus 2:3-5. This does not mean that a woman cannot work outside of the home, it only means that her priority is in the home...but once again, this is part of the submission to her husband. She is to obey him in all things lawful, and this includes as well, duties in the home. She is to keep a well ordered and godly home for her children and husband. With that said, submission and authority do not establish stereotypes. The way that this plays out is to be figured out among husbands and wives. The wife is not the one that has to be responsible to make sure supper is on the table, they need to communicate. Oftentimes domestic duties are cultural. What this means is that you husbands can change some diapers and do the dishes sometimes.
Secondly, a wife is called to be a bearer of children, should the Lord bless them with such. Her attention is given to the children...in the raising, nurturing, etc. If a wife says, I do not want to have children because it will effect my body or my lifestyle or any excuse such as that, she is being disobedient to the command given after the fall in Genesis 3:16. This is like a husband who won’t work if he is able...it is disobedience. It is the to the joy of her husband and the family if God blesses a family with many covenant children. Proverbs 31:28, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” A full quiver of Psalm 128 doesn’t mean that she has to have as many children as she possibly can. Husbands and wives have to discuss responsibly family planning. But, children are a blessing and heritage of the Lord.
Thirdly, in submission to her husband and therefore to God, a wife is to be given over to works of godliness. Just as Paul describes the widows who are to be honoured in I Tim. 5:9-10. She should be a woman of charity. A godly wife should view the blessings that God has given her as tools to help others. Proverbs 31:20 says, “She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.” Though her first priority is in the home, we see women in scripture being praised for their work outside of the home. This can be in church, at school, in societies, on committees, in business, etc.
The fourth calling of submission involves the two flesh becoming one. A wife should be sexually responsive to her husband. The blessing of sex in a marriage relationship is to protect against immorality and a wife must know and seek to meet the needs of her husband. Intimacy in marriage is not merely physical. It is emotional and spiritual. So often, problems arise when things are left unsaid. Maybe you grew up in a home where sex was not talked about and this has flowed into your lack of conversation as husband and as wife. That is a recipe for discontentment, hurt feelings, and even potentially a cold and bitter love. Both husband and wife are to insure a warm and intimate marriage. Even this, is done in service to the Lord.
Live each for the other. Love is not self-centered. I knew a man who was quick to give out hugs to women. He would compliment women on their beauty, even in front of his wife. She told me later that they had not been intimate together in over 30 years. 30 years. Whose fault is that. Both of them, though mostly his. Both were stubborn and their marriage was a loveless one. Like so many marriages, they stayed together for the kids and appearance. It was a cold home to be in. Nurture that love together.
The fifth calling from our text comes from the command for both husband and wife to leave father and mother. The relationship between husband and wife trumps the relationship between parent and child. A wife must leave her father and mother. This does not mean that there are not still callings of honor given to our parents, but this means that a new family, through marriage has begun. Likewise, fathers and mothers must let their children cling to their new spouse. I have seen this most detrimental when a mother does not let her son cleave to his wife.
The last calling we will deal with is found in verse 33 when it says, “let the wife see that she respects her husband.” This respect does not change according to who your husband is. You must respect him wives. You must respect him in the home and publicly. How godless is it for a wife to show disrespect toward her husband, especially around their children? (Clarence Kippers) To not respect your husband is the same thing as denying the work of Jesus Christ. Your respect is to the Lord. Also, with respect, comes learning. As a family gathers around God’s word, as they ought to daily, the parents teach that word, but the wife must let the husband do this as well, especially when children are present. Husbands, likewise, don’t harangue your wife to be more submissive, that is not God’s design. That joke isn’t funny anymore and it never actually was. Prov. 31:10-11 says, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies, The heart of her husband safely trusts her.” Wives, may you see this as a life-long calling in service to God.
The Bible’s teaching on the calling and role of the godly wife in no way diminish her dignity and freedom, but they elevate it. As we see in the world and society around us, out of the desire for equality, the foundations of womanhood are being eroded. The mother of a child is now called birth parent. Congregation, you can see through that, what is actually happening. The family is under attack, and it is so dangerous to look over the fence and desire what is on the other side. Rather, let us get back to God’s Word and his design for the family.
Marriage is a tremendous and fulfilling gift from the Lord. Now that we have seen the calling of the wife to submit to her husbands leading and the call of the husband to lead and love as sacrificial, servant leaders in the home, I urge you all to work on our marriage. Pray for your marriage. And let Christ be honored in your marriage. We will fall short, but the Lord can pick us up. Amen.
* As a matter of courtesy please advise Rev. Steven Swets, if you plan to use this sermon in a worship service. Thank-you.
(c) Copyright 2024, Rev. Steven Swets
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