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| Order Of Worship (Liturgy) *Song of Adoration: Hymnal #118A: 1, 6-7 “O Thank the Lord for All His Goodness” Song of Confession: Hymnal #142 “I Cry for Mercy to the Lord” *Song of Preparation: Hymnal #128B “Blest the Man Who Fears Jehovah” Scripture: Proverbs 6:20-23; 13:24; 19:16-18; 20:7; 22:6; 29:17 Text: Ephesians 6:1-4 Message: Parents and Children *Song of Response: Hymnal #550 “Let Children Hear the Mighty Deeds” *Doxology: Hymnal #363: 4 “Jesus Christ Is Risen Today” |
INTRODUCTION: Beloved in the Lord Jesus Christ:
Our children are different than the children of unbelievers. Our children are heirs of the covenant of grace. They as much as we do, receive the promises of covenant with God. As members of the church and of the covenant, we must raise our children in a distinct manner as well. Children, likewise, must see to it that they are obedient to the Word of God, in all things, and this involves obeying their father and their mother.
The Apostle Paul continues his exhortation dealing with the family.
Parenting can be one of the most difficult callings God gives to his people. It is also a touchy area, because as believers, we can tell our fellow parents only so much concerning how they raise their children, in light of Christian liberty. However, above all, we must stick with the command of the word of God. So, we will look at Eph. 6:1-4 under the theme: Parents and children are called to faithfulness before the Lord.
- Obedience
- Promise
- Nurture
I. Obedient Children
Our text begins by saying, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Let me begin by saying that the letter of Ephesians was written by Paul to the church in Ephesus and then when the letter was received, at, likely, the next meeting of the people, their next worship service, the letter would be read. Paul specifically addresses the children in this letter, which means that the children were there. They weren’t out at “children’s church” they weren’t at home because they were too young. They were sitting in the worship service, listening to this relatively long and theological letter being read to them. Worship is covenantal and our children are part of the covenant...they should be in church.
So, the command comes to the children, “obey your parents.” Now, you might wonder, why does the Apostle use the word obey instead of honor. Honor is a broader word than obey. The likely reason is that to obey someone shows already that you honor them. Honoring your father and mother doesn’t end when you are married, but in one way, obeying them does. We must notice the transition takes place ordinarily in marriage, not when a young person turns 16 or 18.
So what does it mean children to obey your parents? It means to listen and follow what they say. To be sure, if a parent makes a child do something that is sinful, they must not follow without objection, but as children, there are many times when you will disagree with your parents or you will think their reasoning is skewed or you will think that you know what is best for you and they have no idea. Too bad, obey your parents. We will see later in the catechism, under the 5th commandment, that we are to bear patiently with our parents shortfalls and weaknesses. Besides, young people, your parents are smarter than you often give them credit for. They have been there. Same thing is true for grandparents, they have been there, they have hopefully learned from mistakes, and they hold a whole lifetime of wisdom.
Our text also says, notice, “in the Lord.” This means that when you obey your father and mother, you are, therefore, obeying the Lord. Much of what the Bible says about children is actually directed toward the parents, but not this, this is pointed right to the children. Here are some ways that children can show obedience to their parents.
First, they can do what they are told, the first time they are told it. A parent should not have to tell their 16 year old son 5 times to do the dishes….or the daughter to clean up the toys. Your service is to be willing, not forced service.
Second, children must be careful how they refer to their parents to others. Oftentimes children think that because their parents aren’t there they are allowed to insult them...they are your parents, not your old man or old lady. This does not mean that you cannot speak to your friends about your concerns or disagreements you might have with your parents, it means you must do so respectfully, continuing to show them honor.
Third, be helpful. Be willing to help. Help your parents with your siblings if they ask for it...help your mom with the cleaning or your dad with washing the car, or any number of things. Be willing to be helpful and you will notice how thankful your parents will be for your willingness. Parents are quicker to give desired responsibilities to those children who have been helpful and responsible in their chores. That is, they did them well, and without complaining, bickering or back-talk.
Finally, our text says this is right. Be diligent in your studies in school and also in catechism classes. Your parents are raising you as young Christians who will some day go into the world. Your faith might be severely tested some day, and oh how you will desire that you paid more attention to sermons, or to catechism, or to your parents teaching. They are training you for a lifetime. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”
II. Revealing God
The Apostle continues his treatment of obedient children by calling to mind the 5th commandment, “Honor your father and mother,”. This commandment is treated in Lord’s Day 39. It is interesting to note however, why it says that this is the first commandment with promise. Notice verse 2 says commandment with a promise. But, doesn’t the second commandment also have a promise? When God says that he will visit the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate me, but showing love to thousands, to those who love me and keep my commandments. Isn’t that a promise?
Well, there are a few options what the Apostle means by this. First, maybe he is referring to the fact that the fifth commandment is the first commandment in the second table of the law with a promise. But, this can’t be, because the Jews of Paul’s day often included the 5th commandment in the first table of the law.
The second option is that the 2nd commandment doesn’t actually have a promise, since what it says is so broad. But, this can’t be because what God says there, is yet binding as a promise for generations of people to come.
A third option, which gets closer to the truth, is that the Apostle does not mean first as in order, but in importance. But, surely, the second commandment is equally important, is it not?
There is yet another option and W. Hendriksen holds to as well. There are two things that must be kept in mind. First, this number translate as first, is referring to rank. Therefore, when a scribe asked Jesus what was the first commandment, he was not asking him, what was commandment number 1, but what is of greatest importance. The secondly, the original reading does not read, “the first commandment” but “a commandment first, “ that is the commandment of foremost significance, for what he is speaking about. This commandment is so significant Hendriksen says, “that in Lev. 19:1ff. The list of commandments under the general heading, “You shall be holy, for I Jehovah your God am Holy” opens with this one.”
The importance of this commandment is reiterated in the promise attached to it. “that it may be well with you and your may live long in the land.” That could say earth, not land. Notice the changing of the wording form Ex. 20. It doesn’t refer to the land that God is giving you. Why? Because that land is worthless...the promised land is no longer in Palestine, for the land of promise has been fulfilled in the coming of Christ. God confirms this in part in the fact that in 70 A.D. the temple was destroyed. The land of promise now is in heaven as the promised land to Israel always pointed forward to.
So, what type of promise is this? I have met many people that completely misunderstand the promises of God. Wisdom promises, such as this are not guarantees...they are promises of principle. If a young person dies in a car accident at the age of 18, does that mean that they were disobedient to their parents? No, not necessarily. And look at how many of the wicked prosper upon earth and live well into their nineties. Does that mean they were obedient? No. But, but God blesses obedience. Even though it seems there are as many exceptions to that rule as there are those who experience long life, it nevertheless stands firm. This is why it is so important, especially from a pastoral perspective that the people of God understand how his promises work.
God tells us in Proverbs to “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” But, what about someone who has 5 children and 4 are believers and one is a non-believer, did the parents mess up raising that one? Not necessarily, but possibly. Admit fault and sin when it is present, but if you were the parents of Jacob and Esau, it doesn’t matter how you raise Esau, he will grow up a non-believer. Nevertheless, the promise of God stands firm. Parents are to raise their children and then leave them in the hands of the Lord.
III. Nurturing Parents
Our text ends in verse 4, reminding fathers, and therefore, by extension, parents to not exasperate your children or to not provoke your children to anger. Also, the verse continues by giving the positive command to nurture your children. We, as believers are called to raise our children differently than unbelievers. We don’t evangelize our children. We don’t raise them to some day become Christians, we raise them as Christians. We must hold them to that, reminding them of their baptism and their continued need for faith and repentance before God. Therefore parents, do not provoke your children to anger. How would a parent do this? Allow me to list a few ways.
- By over-protecting your child. Some parents want to protect their little ones in such a way that they never allow their children to grow up (helicopter parenting). Protect them, to be sure, but over-protection is hazardous to their development into young men and women. If the little bird remains in the nest too long, it will never learn how to fly. The older they get, the more we must let them learn lessons themselves. We want our children to be self-learning and confident in this ability. Now, this doesn’t mean we encourage them to be foolish risk takers, it just means there must be balance.
- Another way is to show favoritism. Our children are provoked when they can tell the parents care more for their sibling than for them. Think of Jacob and Esau, each loved by other parents, or Joseph as well. Love all your children.
- Third, by discouragement...for example when you child comes to you and says, “Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a teacher.” And you say, Oh no, you will never amount to anything. Talk about taking the wind out of a child’s sail...be encouraging.
- Don’t provoke your children by not allowing them to grow up. This happens and they might grow up and not be an exact replica of their father...do not hold them back as to be a detriment to them.
- By neglect. Take time for your children. There is no replacement for time. No one regrets at the end of their life saying, you know, I really should have spent more time at the office. Children grow fast, take time to love and care for them.
- By cruelty...this can be through continual harsh words, or oppressive discipline. Discipline you must, child abuse you must not. We discipline out of love so that we can teach our children.
- By abuse…especially sexual abuse. There might not be anything more spiritually, emotionally, and physically exasperating and devastating as such abuse. The consequences last for decades, likely even a lifetime. The one they were to learn trust, love, and about God from, they learned secrets and manipulation.
These are ways we can exasperate our children. Instead, we are called to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” This can be summarized, “rear them tenderly.” Calvin says, “Let them be fondly cherished.” Teach them by example and by word, through discipline, as training entails and by the spoken word. To raise them this way, is contrasted with the command to not exasperate your children.
The number one thing a parent wished he could give to his children, he cannot. This is faith. Parents cannot work faith in the hearts of their child. We however, as parents, are called to be an example of faith. To pray for our children and to teach them the ways of God. This falls on fathers and mothers. No fathers, it is not okay to just say, well the mother does the teaching in the home...the calling comes to both.
We must teach our children the word of God, the catechism...we must teach our children how to be discerning young people, how choose godly friends and a godly spouse, we must teach our children to respect each other, respect God’s creation, to be kind, considerate, compassionate, consecrated, pure, trustworthy, joyful, cheerful, and industrious.
Fathers must teach their children the fear of God. They must instill this in them. This involves punishment for sin and wrongdoing, along with fatherly correction. Parenting is a 24 hour calling...your children see you at the best of times and the worst of times. Christians can oftentimes put up some type of front to some people, but our children can see right through that.
The Christian home is a place that children must feel safe and nurtured. It would be wrong for a parent to think that they are doing a good job at parenting if they hate their spouse. Remember, we are always teaching. One of the greatest gifts a mother can give her daughter is a proper view of a godly, loving, and supportive wife. Same thing with husbands, your sons will likely become husbands like you are...do you want them to?
Beloved, God gives us a high and often difficult calling as both children and parents. However, God gives us his grace. Parents will make mistakes and children will make mistakes. Thank God for forgiveness. Our growing up and our parenting, remember, are both in service to our Lord. We seek to follow God’s ways because of the grace he has given to us in His own dear Son our Lord Jesus Christ. May our strength come from Him alone. Amen.
* As a matter of courtesy please advise Rev. Steven Swets, if you plan to use this sermon in a worship service. Thank-you.
(c) Copyright 2024, Rev. Steven Swets
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